I just received an email today from some close friends of mine inviting me to their family blog. It's been so long since I've spent time with them or even had a chance to call them that I jumped right over to check out the photos and family updates. Their kids are so big and time is slipping by so fast and my heart ached for not having made more time to visit and keep in touch with these people. I was the best man at Jeff's wedding to Kim and yet I barely get to see them.

And they aren't the only ones... I have so many friends Kevin and Dani, Eric and Jen, Brady and Jen, Mark, Eric, Mason and Jen, Greg and Lori, Brett and Kara, Mike and Carin... if I've missed anyone forgive me, I've had the flu for two days straight now and I'm not thinking so clearly. So much life gets in the way and I forget to really try hard to make time for these people who are so important to me. Every year I vow to be a better friend like I was back in the day. Better at keeping in touch, better at visiting. Health problems creep in, new jobs, odd hours. It all is so sad because the really important things in life are our friends and family.

It gets tough most days just dealing with health problems and a new full-time job that works me more hours than I can deal with. But not a day goes by I don't think about these people who have always been such a big part of my life and pray that they are happy and well and that I miss you all. So to all of you who might stumble upon my blog and read my rantings... forgive this prodigal friend. My lack of contact does not reflect my love and caring for you all. I hope soon we can all get together once again and catch up on everyones lives and have the chance to at least spend a few hours together in this hectic life we live each day.

My best to all of you and to Jeff and Kim... wonderful blog. I will be watching it closely and hopefully keeping in touch more often at least through email. If any of you have blogs I don't know about please email me and let me know so I can keep up with you all.

Jeremy Out...

I've been looking through some of my favorite online comics tonight, trying to catch up on something funny to take my mind off the fact that I haven't slept well in over a week and I realized that I'm not sure how many of my friends know about PVP or Player Versus Player. I'm sure alot of you have heard of it since it's one of the longest running web comics but you have to experience it to realize what a great grasp of pop culture and being a geek Scott Kurtz has. The comic is really amazing...

The premise revolves around 4 central characters, Cole Richards, Brent Sienna, Jade Fontaine and Francis Ottoman. Cole and Brent were former roommates in college and have gone on to fulfill their dream of publishing a magazine called PVP which covers video games and pop culture in general. Jade is the role of the perfect woman (i.e. she is hot and she is a total geek, she would be that girl who would actually wear the chainmail bikini) she is Brents girlfriend and colleague at the paper. Francis is the youngest of the crew still a teenager and usually the source of much of the humor he writes the video games columns for the magazine. I almost forgot the 5th, and one of the most integral characters Skull. Skull is the big blue troll that the PVP team found living in the broom closet of the building in which they work. The way Scott Kurtz writes these characters you really feel close to them and it makes for a great series. Did I mention they also have a monthly PVP comic book and a monthly online animated series?

So for all you Start Trek fanatics I'm posting with this entry the series of PVP comics in which the PVP team goes to the Star Trek convention. Enjoy and then run straight over to www.pvponline.com to read the entire series from the beginning (it's all there archived and free to read). Enjoy!!














(click on the pics and then they will be big enough to read)

Well... I'm up again and in for another sleepless night. I'm going to be so tired at work tomorrow. I can't tell you how much it sucks having these throat problems. I lay down and feel like I'm going to be just fine and then suddenly a wake up with a dry mouth and throat, trouble breathing and swallowing and I'm up. Then I hate going back to sleep. I feel like I could die in my sleep one of these times and that thought scares me to death.

I found out the other day that Dad Hancock came home from the hospital finally. I've been meaning to write about this for over a week now and with the newspaper layout last week I've just had no time to update the blog.

The day I found out Kevins Dad was put in the hospital brought back way too many bad memories about losing my Dad. I can't believe it's been nearly six years since we lost Dad. I think about him alot and I miss so much the comfort of just having his presence nearby gave to us all. This would have been such an important time for him and Mom to be able to spend time together and I wish there were some way I could help her to feel less lonely. I know she tries so hard to fill that void with having Jeff and I around, but I also know that can't really help. We aren't Dad. I just want the last years of her life to be happy years with her family filled with good memories of the times she and Dad had.

So now the closest person to a Dad I still have was being put into ICU and it was scary. I hated having to work a regular job that day. Before I could have just dropped everything and left to be with Kevin and Dani and his family but with the commitments I now have to keep I didn't have that luxury. I didn't make it to the Mckay Dee until almost 10pm that night. Kev looked horrible but he was trying really hard to hold it together. I nearly broke down when I gave Mom Hancock a hug but I kept it together myself. It wasn't until Kev, Dani and I went off into the waiting area down the hall to be alone that I was able to hug Kev and break down a little.

I hurt because I love Dale Hancock so much. He is a man who has faced years of living with a horrible disease, confined to a wheelchair and bed much of the time, yet he worked harder than most healthy men I know. Dale always treated me like one of his kids and made me feel welcome and I know he and my Dad both admired and thought very highly of each other. I hurt also because of the memories it brought back of my Dads death but more because I didn't want to see Kevin have to go through the same pain I've had to go through. And then because of Mom Hancock who I know would be lost without Dale.

It felt good to cry and get that out, then to just sit and talk with Dani and Kev. My heart went out to his brothers as well, especially Kyle. Of all of Kevins brothers Kyle was the one who always seemed closest to me next to Kev and right now he was also the one that was taking things the hardest. Nothing makes a man stronger than the ability to show his emotions in a time like this. To see these 4 brothers breaking down over their fathers bed, this is a man who is truly loved by his family, just as my father was.

When they let us in to see Dale he looked far better than I imagined which filled me with relief. I as honored to help annoint him for a priesthood blessing with Kevins uncle. It's been awhile since I've taken part in a blessing and I felt strongly that this was not the time for Dale to go and that he had more to accomplish on this earth. I think sharing that feeling with Colleen made her feel so much better. When it was my turn to say something to Dale I leaned over and held his hand and said, "You can't go yet Dale, your the last Dad I've got!" He smiled at me and said he wasn't going anywhere.

So this was at least over a week ago since this all went down and thankfully he's home, safe and sound and hopefully feeling much better by now. I know God was definitely watching over this family.

I miss my Dad... I wish he was asleep in the next room with Mom right now snoring away. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch in the afternoon and I dream he's just coming home from work and that he comes in to say hello to me and talk to me like he used to when he would come home from work each day. Often I wake up from these dreams really believing its true and then I realize it was a dream and I'm so disappointed. Mom says she never dreams about him and she wishes she would. I wish she could too.

Well... enough for tonight. I'm going to attempt sleep once again. Pray that I can get some.

Ok... it's been months since my last BLOG. I just have so much else on my plate that it is hard to find time to do everything I want to do. But due to the fact that I rarely sleep due to my health and also the fact that Dani shamed me for not keeping this up.... here I am once again. I figure what better way to spend the time I'm wide awake at 4am than updating my BLOG!? I may have to change my BLOG name to something like "This is What No Sleep Sounds Like" or "Rantings of an Insomniazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

So... that being said on with my BLOG.

So much has happened in the past few months since my BLOG. I've been sick more frequently than I care to think about, the Holidays have come and gone, I'm sleeping less and less at night and for some reason I only seem to sleep well during the day sitting up. It's becoming rediculous.

I guess work is the biggest news.... after nearly 6 years doing layout for a small local paper the paper is finally tanking (just like I always knew it would). For those who don't know the paper is run by an LDS family who run a massive dental practice and publish the paper purely as a soapbox for their twisted political and religious views. Now... I consider myself to be an conservative for the most part but these people take conservative to new levels. For example, a simple Day Spa ad with a very tasteful photo of a woman having a massage, which I designed by the way, was called a "massage parlor ad" and I was forced to blur a portion of the photo so as not to show any semblance of a breast whatsoever. You have to understand that this photo was as tame as they come. This photo would have been acceptable in any family magazine or publication. Just a glimpse into the level of prudishness I deal with on a monthly basis.

Two weeks before our March issue we were told the paper was financially bankrupt unless we could get more advertising revenue. The goal in question, according to the publisher was $14,500. Nevermind the fact that the goal he told us for over a year to reach for was $12,500. Now, he swears that this was never the case but somehow we all remember $12,500 and he is the only one who swears it was $14,500.... hmmmmm.... interesting. My theory? They spent so much of there money opening a new practice that the depleted everything and now can't keep the paper going. So here's my problem...

1. Why not tell us this months in advance? He had to have known... this didn't just pop up overnight.
2. If we were hurting so bad why were we distributing to so many and why were we printing 16 pages each month? Why not drop the size of the paper and the number of issues printed each month in order to save money until we could make ends meet?
3. Why have they been acting as if the paper is doing wonderfully?

Questions that I'm sure will never be answered as I've learned one thing recently about these people. They are alwasy right and they are never wrong. It's their way or the highway and they will never listen to a word we say. So what if the paper was running like a well oiled machine while they were leaving it in our hands. So what if we were making the paper into something that people respected for a change.

So then he asks our managing editor to rewrite a story on foster families because he doesn't want us to condone single parent families in any way shape or form. Nevermind the fact that single parents often make the best foster parents, they could care less. These are people who give the LDS faith a bad name. These are the types of people who make other religions think we are crazy. These are the type of people who start their own religious cult and live on a compound out in the desert.

Did I mention their twisted views on newspaper ethics? It's always been my understanding that a newspaper must remain unbiased in their views and that their job is to present each side of an issue in order to allow for the reader to be the judge and jury and pick the side that is right for them. Not according to these people. Apparently we are the judge and we decide what's right and wrong and tell the people what they should believe. Hmmmm... isn't that what satan wanted? Anyone remember that old LDS musical "My Turn on Earth"? There is a song in which Jesus and satan are presenting their plans to God. Jesus says, "I have a plan, that will save every man. It will help them to choose righteously. By learning they'll know, they'll live and they'll grow. And Father the glory to thee." to which satan says " I have a plan, it will save every man. It will FORCE them to live righteously.... blah blah blah... and give all the glory to ME." Don't quote me on the lyrics, it's been years but I think you all get my point.

So the straw that broke the camels back... I usually distribute the paper on a monthly basis to local stores and racks but this month I was unable to do so because I had to work my "real job". So this idiot that I've worked for 6 years with, bent over backwards for, dealt with mounds of crap, worked till 5am most nights for and generally broken my back for emails me and tells me he's "disappointed that I couldn't finish my job..." and that "everyone else finished their jobs on the last issue..." so according to him I'm the only one who jumped ship and left him hanging. Screw him. And what's worse you can't stick it to him and tell him what a shithead he is because he's one of these ultra sticky sweet people who never shows an ounce of emotion but simply says "I'm sorry you see things that way" meaning "I'm sorry you don't see things my way... the right way... to bad your going to hell." Well.... to them I say kiss my ass. I'm done with your rag of a paper. Good luck making it work without the well oiled machine that ran it. And good luck finding another idiot like me to work for nothing and put up with the crap you pull on a monthly basis. It's unfortunate I can't go back and charge for all the overtime I put in. Sadly... I'm a subcontractor so that is out of the question.

Which brings us to now.... out of the blue I get a call from the owner of a local printer, who I've interviewed with last year, and he asks me if I'm still looking for a job. So now i'm a part-timer doing graphics for the printer who looks to be making some major changes soon and expanding their business in a huge way. Hopefully I'll be full-time eventually and have some income and job security. At least I have benefits, or will have. I'm loving the new job but it's different not have the freedom I've had for the past 7 years and to have major deadlines to meet. It's growing on me. I love the people I work with and the place really is alot of fun.

The other designer was gone Friday so I spent my first day all alone in the graphics dept. Of course everything bad that could happen did and by 5:30pm my head was spinning like a top, but I did it and I hope I proved to everyone that I really am an asset to the place.

Enough for tonight. Couple of requests to anyone brave enough to read my boring rants.

1. I had a really cool blog template that I pulled from a free site but it just never worked right so I've gone back to the generic old Blogger templates. I've checked a bunch of sites but nothing really looks that great. I want something with more columns on the sides or something. Maybe like a 3 column look with the center being wider and containing my blog entries. Anyway... if anyone knows of a good place to find some great looking templates let me know. I like darker kind of templates or grungy/horror or goth looking template but I'm open.
2. I'm still trying to find the right laptop for video editing, 3D, web design, graphic design, and music production. I've looked at so many from HP to Alienware. I've narrowed it down to either HP or Alienware but if anyone out there has any suggestions I'd love to hear it... or if you've owned either brand and have an opinion one way or the other.

And now I'm spent... hopefully I won't be back up in an hour writing another blog but I may be so feel free to check back at all hours. You never know when I might write again. Ciao!

Holy cow, I said it would never happen and somehow here I am blogging. It sounds so dirty. I told myself I would never do it, never air my dirtly laundry for all to peruse and still here I sit typing away at 2:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. As usual I can't sleep and I want to so badly. I have another week ahead of me doing the newspaper but it looks like just maybe things might go smoothly for the first time since I've been laying out this newspaper. Finally I'm not have ads thrown at me at the very last minute and can concentrate on laying out. I may actually be able to leave at a decent hour every night! I can't complain too much though as I basically only work one week out of the month and make about a part timer salary.

Now to decided how I want to go about getting my bachelors degree. I have the opportunity to work for the university and get free tuition but this could possibly be a terrible idea. If they demand 30 hr work weeks out of me in return for tution reimbursement then I may just be better off staying with the paper and applying for grants. Then school is still free but I at least have time to do my work. I think with certain people breathing down my neck every day to do their ads and having to work a set number of hours I'd be better off just staying at the paper and only working one week out of each month... well... plus the time it takes me to update the website twice a week which is basically no big deal.

I just wish the univerity offered a more diverse art course. They still place far too much emphasis on fine art which would be awesome if I were wanting to be a teacher but not so much for me as a graphic designer. Ho hum... time to have a one on one with my would be boss at the university and find out the details. I'll put this on the backburner until after the paper is done for the month.

So... I spent Sunday with Kevin, Dani, Kaylee, Michelle and Shannon. It was wonderful to see them all and spend some quality time with them. Kev and I worked all day on the Mountain-Con II book trying to get as much done as possible. Kev is really learning fast and I'm seeing he is grasping the software better and better. I think school is going to really help shape and polish his work so that it really stands out. It will especially be good for him to get back to using his colored pencils and paints and working with his hands. I know it really helped me polish my work. I think by the time we finish this book we may have a mass suicide. Dani, Kev and I were about ready to tear our hair out as a whole. I've decided that it doesn't matter what publication you are putting together, people never pay attention to a DEADLINE! It will never cease to amaze me. I don't think they realize how tough it is to layout a publication with only have of the puzzle pieces available.

Shannon cooked us an amazing meal... we had a wonderful time chatting and basically it was a wonderful and mostly relaxing day. Just good to be with my bro. I think that Dani is as much like a sister to me as Kev is like a brother. They both look out for me and worry about me. I really love that. It's always good to know that you have friends who have your back and vice versa.

Miss Kaylee just gets cuter and cuter. I can't believe her sweet curls and her smile just melts your heart. I just love it when she gets all excited and grins from ear to ear. She is going to be so much fun once she starts to chatting up a storm. Some friends dropped by with their dog and he started chasing Wrangler around the room. She was giggling and laughing so hard! I about fell over it was so cute. I really love that little girl. I miss Haylee and Adam as well. Those kids mean the world to me. I'd do anything for them.

Well... this feels really strange writing this, but it's time for me to sleep or at least attempt to. I'm sooooooooooo damn tired. Lots of work to do. I want to get into the office as early as possible so I can get this crapola done! Nighty nite all.

Thus begins my blogging saga....